Mental images

We all know what happens when expectations are not met. People aren't happy when that happens. Just think of when you were a kid and didn't get what you wanted for your birthday or the holidays or whatever when you thought you were getting it. You were probably surprised, disappointed, and a little bit upset or angry. And it doesn't change much as we mature. Think of the last time expectations weren't met at work, say a coworker didn't deliver on commitment etc. Probably wasn't a good scene. Bottom line is we don't like it when something we thought was going to happen doesn't. So what could be worse? Just add the 4th dimension of time and it becomes another problem. Let me explain, so things that are about to happen but haven't are expected to, but what about things that already are. So how can things that already are not be what you think they are? Well, its when we delude ourselves. Now, I'm not talking pyschos but otherwise rational people, and we do this all the time. We create these mental images or versions of things that actually aren't true - particularly about people...people we care about, even sometimes ourselves. We even rationalize around the truth in order to make our mental versions of these people our own reality. Its all the more difficult when that image is finally broken. Funny beings we humans are...a constant struggle or our rationale thought and our irrational feelings.

Staring at the Sea. . .

Yes, I know the title is a rip off of the title of an early Cure singles anthology album, but the phrase speaks to me.

Why? Well, it can mean a number of things and the imagery conjured up in the mind can be powerful.

For instance, one can stand on the shore and just stare and admire the beauty, breadth, and just admire nature. It can be a serene moment, one to reflect on just how great it is "to be".

It can also make one feel how small one is in the whole scheme of things with the horizon seemingly endless.

If one looks at it from another standpoint, one of say a traveler of days gone by about to set sail. Its the classic marking of the end of journey and the start of another. Much has happened looking back toward the journey leading to the shore, while one can only take a guess at what will happen crossing the ocean and what it will take to do so. Its a decision point, one of no return perhaps. Perhaps the decision has already been made for by what one's done in the past or made for one, but its made. Its at that point that you sail, you may look back with fondness, maybe even with longing at times, but you realize the past is the past for all the reasons that be and you set sail into the unknown, keeping the past close at heart (because after all the past makes us what we are today)...after standing at the shore and staring at the sea.

Setting Sail,

D

Hmmmm.....yup...no....i dunno.

They say you can't really say you understand something until you can explain it to others. For the most part, for things that need explaining - its true. In fact its quite satisfying once you realize you get it and satisfying to explain to yourself or others what is going on. On the flip side, when you can't its truly frustrating. Throw the unknowns of the irrational human factor into the system of logic and you'll get an what else, an unknown, potentially confusing and frustrated result. The odds often are stacked against us silly humans.

I'm sure many people go through it all the time, and its easy to say to someone else "reason it out", or "how do you feel about it?", but rarely can issues that defy one's own internalization and comprehension be so easily resolved. Its part of the human condition I suppose. If you don't know what about something is eating at you, or even more simply if it even is, than how do you fix it, if "it" is even needs fixing or not.

So yeah, tonight is one of those nights. Can't quite figure things out. Its OK though, thinking and feeling at length is a luxury I tell myself, even if it can be frustrating. :-P

Routine...

Routines:
They help us get through our days. There's a certain peace in following one, and a certain efficiency for a good one. Some routines are things we do just for ourselvers. Some are to perfrom mundane tasks more efficiently. Some orgainze our whole days. They get us through our days preserving out mental, physical, and spiritual energy to handle things that are well...less routine, for example a crisis at work, tough decisions, a harsh physical challlenge etc.

In general, routine is a steadying force. They work for us. However, sometimes when routines develop out of bad habits instead of being planned out, they can harm us. Even planned routines have their weaknesses if we work too hard to keep the routine instead of the routine serving our needs.

Life is full of double edge swords I guess. At least for routines we need only remember to "periscope up" to take a look at a bigger picture or THE big picture every so often to avoid being hurt by them. Sometimes when I realize I haven't written here recently it tells me I haven't taken enough time to at least think about other things. Periscope up guys!

Just Another Day (uh oh!)

So, I've come to the conclusion that people in the New England are terribly unproductive on a nice spring day. Today, it is between 75-80°F outside. The sky is a mix of sun and clouds, mostly clouds if one were to look up but yet it is an undeniably nice sunny day outside. The air is not too dry, not too humid.

I simply cannot count the number of times I heard people commenting about the nice Spring weather today. In our new office, large windows make up the bulk of the walls. Today, I've witnessed many people simply standing at the window and staring out, perhaps wishing to be out there instead of merely looking out. Casual semi-work related (and not work related) conversations that might take place at lunch or in the hallway on a normal day today take place by the windows. The people hardly look at each other admiring the weather all the while. There is a general light mood in the air. You can hear it in the way some people talk to each other. You can tell others take work a tad less seriously. The lunchtime exodus from the parking lot starts early. I observe some leaving as early as 11:15 or so. Yes,a nice Spring day is in the air in New England. Even though, this Spring in particular has brought more nice Spring days then most, people seem to appreciate it just as much. Perhaps in New England, we grow too too accustomed to the chilly autumn and long, cold and dreary winter. A nice Spring day is in fact a special occasion - almost the feeling of a holiday. To be fair, today is Cinco de Mayo which in New England just means another occasion to get drunk, a day to call beer Cerveza and perhaps order a Corona or Dos Equis instead of a Sam.
I wonder how much less productive people are. Maybe that is why some companies have buildings with few windows. As a life long resident of the the Northeast (NJ, NY, MA) I can say I still appreciated each one of these precious few days for what they are and how it can make one feel - so I too get caught up in this mild form of hysteria. I wonder if people living in areas where it is basically spring and summer 80-90% of the year appreciate the weather as much. Do they go through this everyday or perhaps do they treat it as just another day?

Life "Unlived"

Life doesn't usually happen at 12:41 a.m. early on a Tuesday morning (but apparently this blog does). So why not go to sleep? Restlessness, a pensive mood, a healthy obsession with sorting mp3s, conflict, bad habits, sentimental journeys, "grand entertainment" and rare moments of clarity . . . as well as those I think are moments of clarity, but are really just the opposite. Oh yes, I am the typical night owl who hopes not to become the insomniac. :-P But, I am not alone. As I sit here and type, fully 1/4 o 1/3 of my regular "AIM buddies" are online....though they start to drop off around this time. In a world where even young people without their own families are busy the night becomes prime "alone time" or even a cyberspace social hour.

I think people have always wished for more ours in a day, but I think in the 21st century society has come to the point where its more necessary then it ever was. Kids have activities that keep them busy from morning to bed, the parents have careers and must keep up with the kids and of course the jones', and young single people focus on their careers, the next bigs steps, and of course the other requisite social engagements. Of course, if we all did have an extra hour we'd finda way to fill it up. Silly humans. Clearly this piece is not written in a moment of clarity...but one of those other tired moments... frustration comes to mind...not 1/2 an hour ago did I wish to do something that shouldn't - not becuase its wrong but because of how it may be perceived, not 20 minutes ago did I realize I can't get myself to think differently then I do about something even though i want to. So yeah..restless is what this night owl is tonight.

Time to drink some milk...maybe it'll help...damn i wish i had some cookies...

It has come to my attention...

-It has come to my attention that SOME people seem to think they are so cool that I, who never mentions anyone specifically in my blog wrote about them in my blog in my last entry. Whatever could these people be thinking? I swear people must read into things what they want or don't want to read. sheesh! All people and events portrayed in this blog are fictional and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental. :-P

-GT4 update (like any of my readers care): I'm terrorizing the "Tuning Car Grand Prix" in my Black FD. Takahashi Kesuke watch out!

-Revelation: The new way (apparently) to declare something official is to change your profile on Friendster.

-Once again time refuses to heed my command and slow down or stop. I'll just have to go run faster then the speed of sound again.

-Cockiness is a annoying and sometimes dangerous thing. Bravado is another. How convenient that the latter can lead to the former with enough self delusion. it can't be talked to either, you just got to let it work itself out. :-P

-A cookie for anyone that can identify this quote without google...
"Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there"